Common conversation. Hidden persona.

I will not spoon-feed you lies just to satisfy your ego.
I'll be honest as long as you are.
I will tell you news, good or bad. It doesn't matter if it pleases you.
I tell you what's wrong and what's right, but I won't enforce you to choose.
That's your decision to make.
I need my space and so do you.
Leave me alone at times, please.
I sound like an arrogant bitch, don't I?
Well, you can follow the yellow brick road, if it pleases you.
"I need to understand you. Please tell me more."
Silence.
"You're too complicated."
Nodding, I take it as a compliment.
I'd rather be complex than easy.
Everyone is as transparent as water.
Others are as hard as ice. But you know...
Ice melts.
And so will you.
No, I won't. I'll last long enough.
I am the tip of an iceberg.

Miserable and eighteen.

So I thought since I am turning eighteen soon; and considering that it is conventional for me to be thrilled for that to happen, I decided to do a "Things to do before I turn eighteen" list.
Considering that I have less than 4 months left for that to happen, I expect this list to be extremely short. More so, I lack excitement when it comes to aging.
Here's why.
I honestly do not believe that when I turn 18, maturity will out-of-the-blue sink in.The most accurate example being my own sisters; I feel like a 60-year-old between them. Either way, I suppose we do have to live with these demented rules. I suppose I also have to fake some excitement while we're at it. Sadly, it is the social convention.
I'll tell you why I hate being older.
 As a generally petite person, I always have to get on with people thinking I am twelve or thirteen. It aggravates me so dearly, but at some point, I got tired of getting mad at others for this. I mean, they have these kind of minds which judge upon what they see. I have to pity them. Feel sorry for them, not loathe them. Sadly, not everyone is as developed.
Enough blabbering and onto the list.
Things that I should do before I turn 18:
1. I thought this would flow by the time I got to number one. Ergh, I guess not.
Usually these kind of lists include egging someones house, sleeping with someones boyfriend yada yada yay...
Quite frankly, all I want to do is sit down, listen to John Mayer, sing out-loud and off-tune. I was hoping to do the same thing on my birthday but I know for sure that my sisters will use it as an excuse to throw a fucking party.
All I want is a peaceful night at the beach and oreo cake.

How hard is it for that to happen?
I'll be miserable AND eighteen.

So I decided to post it.

This following post is inspired by some personal thoughts. I was overwhelmed and I needed a place to implicitly pour my heart out. I don't know, I might not even publish it.
Now I'll be putting the fact that I completely despise the idea of "perfection" aside, but do you know how everyone says that they are looking for that little remaining puzzle piece to make their lives "perfect?" For some, it is what they appear to describe as their "soul mate", for others it is family, and in frequent cases, the materialistic aspect of life is superior.
Now as a psychotic over-thinker, I can't help but obsess about my bloody puzzle piece. So let me examine the possibilities.
Possibility number One: The so-called soul mate.
Let me briefly explain why I personally hate this possibility; there's no such thing as soul mates. If I were to supposedly believe that I, a completely healthy and functioning individual, am missing half of my soul, I would expect some physical defect. I am not saying that this form of love is redundant (even though I personally believe so) but I think that logic prevails over emotion.
 Moving on.
Possibility number Two: Family
I have one. A large one, more so. Even considering that this might be my missing puzzle piece is insane. I have six siblings; enough to share with everyone!
We're running out of options here, Youmna.
Possibility number Three: Money. (Power and status.)
Quite frankly, I don't give a monkeys' ass about any of these.
I lied.
I do.
But only to some extend. I have sufficient amount of money to go by, a good education and enough books to read for days. So this definitely can't be my damn puzzle piece.

So evidently, there's nothing wrong with me.
I'd have to consider that everyone's perception of perfection differs and that term perfect itself, is slightly corrupted.
Apparently, what I need to find out is what my perception of perfect is, not that damned puzzle piece.

An essence of what swirls inside the mind of a blabbermouth.

So "20ThingsIDontLike" has been a worldwide trending topic on Twitter for a few days and I managed to express around fourteen things that infuriate me. Among these personal pet peeves was pessimistic individuals. I can't express how much I despise the lack of confidence in others. I am not saying that I don't have my moments, because I definitely do, but these usually pop up when I am alone in my room listening to Michael Bublé. On a more serious note, I genuinely believe that pessimism is fueled by ill-confidence and insecurities. 
I won't be focusing this post on this only since I'd like my thoughts to trail on other topics.
I'm such a blabbermouth.

I started to notice that this blog is beginning to become somewhat my shrink. A sufficient psychological getaway. I might not write everything that is on my mind here, but it brings me to overwhelming thoughts. Sort of like being high on ideas. It has become the medium of my self-discovering. 

I like to believe that this is the most crucial thing in a person's intellectual life; knowing yourself. If you understand yourself fully, only then will you be able to understand others. Personal affection is the treasure no one can take away from you. It is yours, and forever to keep. 

But then this brings this whole "ignorance is bliss" issue. I hate that saying oh so passionately. The main reason for the world's social, economical and my favorite out of all, political problems is that it is running with these kind of quotes getting around. It's like asking a sex addict to avoid getting a common STD.  A person with a lower IQ might think they have it going well, but anyone else can see that they're the ugly duckling. I am guessing anyone can notice my aggravation, whereas I'm not making sense right now. I am just saying, we shouldn't let ignorant morons control anything. 

#20ThingsIDontLike "Ignorance is bliss."

 I should be executed. 

a world of deteriorating souls.

My first take on poetry. It is about the oppression of the human mind. Human emotion is represented by colors and the controller of their zombie-like minds is the painter.

Trapped inside
A big black box; consuming.
Engulfing the painter's lies as he
Swiftly strokes
the promise of a better unknown.
White, red and purple promises.

Pale, soundless bodies.
Flaming eyes
Pegged
on the painter's brush
Quietly anticipating a shade of yellow.

Fury and rage
of blue and grey
But still.
Restless minds
Frozen within
dependent on a palette
of three colors.

Slowly forming, a world of deteriorating souls.