Back and overly-emotional

So, I am officially done with my first semester of my sophomore year at university. I'd say that the past few months were stressless, relaxing and I was emotionally stable, but I'd be lying. Horribly.

I think that in that fraction of life, I've experienced a lot more than I ever did in my entire life. It's been hard, no doubt.
From familial, to school, to non-existent love life problems, I've seen it all.
I've even stopped writing.


But now, now that it's over, I want to regain control over my life and mostly my emotions. I feel as if I've been an emotional wreckage, not that I wasn't before. It's just that the stress of university, the "me thinking I was in love," and the turmoil of it l just exacerbated everything.

There's this quote by Steve Maraboli that will forever resonate with me. It says "As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I though I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."

That's the kind of mindset I, from now onwards, will live by.
No fear.
No regrets.

Wise words of Youmna

To succeed is to have the courage to admit that we're not perfect, to deeply desire becoming better, to realize the richness of being alone.

Humans suck.

As mammals, we have the natural instinct and biological need to mate. To "love."
I don't think falling in love is a magically glorious moment in which you meet your "soulmate."
It's merely a matter of survival and picking the right berry for the juice.
We choose the strongest mate (could either be in the physical or intellectual sense) to have the higher probability of producing offspring, who have a better chance of survival. Seems crucial in a predator-centric world.
No matter what we do, that includes desperately trying to elevate our animalistic nature by calling mating "making love," our instincts are embedded in our nature whether we like it our not.
And that applies for other things.
"War on Terror."
"Religious cleansing."
 Putting a fancy word on something doesn't make it less barbarous.

Aftermath of "Summer Vacationing"

I don't know what is going on. I feel drowsy, bored and unmotivated from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. It can't be desperation because it is causing desperation. It doesn't make sense that something causes itself. Or does it?
It'll be a daunting vicious cycle that I can't break out of then.
All I know is that it's making me quite unhappy, the fact that I am unproductive and lazy. I don't feel tired half the time, yet I always manage to find a way to place myself in my bed and on my laptop, surrounded by chocolate wrappers, chips bags and guilt.
At brief moments where I say "ok, this is it! I will get up and do something," I soon find myself occupied with something else. It's quite disappointing. I feel like I am constantly disappointing myself. What's worse is that I am disappointing others, too. Yay me.
I have to admit that I thought this was a normal thing at first. But then I realized that I am becoming short-tempered and impatient with others. I fucked up my sleeping patterns, which meant that I only saw my family members if I was awake when they were, which was like, never.
Normal, some might think. I vouch to disagree.
Everything is normal until you start to feel bad about yourself.
The thing that's making me so upset about it is that I look back at the person I was a year ago, back in high-school, and I think what in the fucking hell happened? When did I become so lazy that I can't even draft a CV? When did I resent my extended family to the point where I'd cuss them out in front of them. Oh wait. I did used to do that.
That's not the point.
The point is, I need to throw all this negativity away or else it will become too overwhelming at some point that I won't be able to deal with it.
 I need to change. Right now.
Here's to change!

Untitled.

I always knew writing was the best and, sometimes, the only way that I can almost perfectly express my feelings. Right now I feel like my world has crumbled up and evaporated into nothingness. But no, not really... Nothingness would be slightly more merciful.
Everything's going wrong. I think that at this point no one could make me feel any better.
I just want to lay on my bed, cover my head with my blanket and speak to no one for the rest of what's left of my life.
Crap.
Life's a big shithole at the moment.
Allhamdulilah.

Hey summer 2013.

Hello summer 2013 and goodbye Freshman year!
I cannot articulate how horribly fast this last year has gone. It makes me think of how short the time that I'll spend in college is. In the blink of an eye, I'll be graduating and out to discover the "real world." I am incapable of coping with the thought. It terrifies me.
How will I sanely cope with the actual experiences?
Shivers.

Deception

Today, I came to realize that there are people in this world that that live merely to destroy. To destroy people's dreams and any shed of happiness in their lives. I mean, it's not like I didn't know that there are sadistic, mentally-troubled folks out there who find pleasure in doing no good, but I failed to remind myself that these people can be close to me. People I smile at every morning. People I say good night to every evening.
It's not like it hit me in a glorified moment. Not like the epiphanies you see in movies and certainly not as glamorous.  It was more of a shock.
I just can't comprehend why anyone would ever want to destruct something that isn't theirs to destruct to begin with. Do they find it satisfying? How do they sleep at night?